Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Good And The Bad #1

There are things in the world that I like, and plenty of things that I don't. I'm not just talking food, but in general. Every once and awhile I need to get these things off my chest, so here goes....

Speculoos or Biscoff Spread: This is crack for people who don't do drugs. What is it you say? It is essentially gingersnap cookies (of the Belgian variety) made into a delicious spread. Think peanut butter or nutella, but made from spiced cookies. It is amazing on waffles (a great example are the Waffle & Dinges trucks in NYC), spread on toast, on an apple, or used to make ice cream base. Is it the healthiest thing? Absolutely not, but you just don't use a lot of it. I know that is a novel concept, but it is possible to enjoy sweets in moderation. Buy some of this stuff immediately, you owe it to yourself.

Kale Chips (not the kind you buy in the store): Most people at this point have heard of kale chips, but I would contend that more people should be eating this stuff. The kind you buy at the store are gross. Buy one or two big bunches of kale, wash and dry, then cut out the stems/ribs. Chop them up a bit, then toss with a little olive oil, and a generous amount of salt. Bake them in a single layer at 300 F for 25-30 minutes (basically until crunchy). Enjoy. They don't have to be a snack either. Serve them as a crunchy side with a juicy steak. Break them up over an omelet for texture. Or just zone out on the couch and eat them like potato chips. When finished, you will have consumed a large portion of one of the healthiest vegetables on the planet. Not a bad idea right?

Juicing: I know, it smacks of elitist hippie health food store adopted by celebrities bullshit. But...it happens to be a really good thing. One of the biggest problems these days is that people don't eat enough vegetables. In fact, I know people who don't eat any vegetables (that is a recipe for some epic constipation). I'm no vegetarian, but if I could only eat one category of food, it would be fruits and vegetables. Here is the thing though, I don't always have the time or the inclination to eat a trough full of raw vegetables. Go watch a vegetable juice being made some time. I could never eat that many vegetables in a sitting, but I can certainly benefit from the vitamins and nutrients that they contain. I promise that hitting the juice will make you feel better. Instead of a bad meal, have a juice and some nuts. You will be full, and your body will appreciate what you are putting into it.

99% of places that serve green tea suck at it: For thousands of years people have cultivated, harvested, and consumed green tea. And for thousands of years, people have known how to make it. So why does almost every place that serves green tea today in America feel obligated to royally fuck it up? Rule #1-Use water in between 140 and 170F. Why is it that every time I order a green tea I get a scalding cauldron of water. It's almost like these places are trying to defy the laws of physics and science to see if they can raise the boiling point above 212F. Guess what guys, this makes the tea taste like it was made from the clippings of your front lawn. And it isn't like this is secret knowledge or something. IT IS EVERYWHERE! We have this thing called the internet where you can look things up instantly. You could also discover this information in any library or book store (though I am beginning to believe that I'm one of the last people who find these places appealing). Rule #2-It takes about 45-90 seconds to brew green tea. So, if you can spend 3 minutes making a coffee drink, why the hell can't you brew my tea behind the counter? This way I could have my tea ready to consume. Instead you hand me my scalding cauldron of hot water that I can't even hold, then expect me to magically know how long it has been brewing, then manage to take off the flimsy plastic top and discard the tea bag (I don't even care that tea bags suck, I can work with that) without dripping skin melting water all over myself? I don't even care about the hot water, I burn myself all the time when I cook, it is just that this is a stupid system. Why not just leave the tea bag in you might say? Just because some soccer mom, who drinks green tea because the The View told her it would make her skinny, leaves her tea bag in, doesn't mean I need to (after all, she is the person who drinks the tea to make her skinny, then orders the brownie as a small snack to go with it. I love brownies and green tea, but the logic here is ass backwards). Steeping tea too long makes it taste bitter and nasty, and if we would look to people who know about tea, we would figure this out. People in Asia have been down with tea for THOUSANDS of years!! If only we were paying attention.

Food Allergies: Can we stop with this stuff. Please. Can we just get over our rampant narcissism? Some people really have food allergies, and you people that don't are ruining it for them. Currently, 30% of adults in America believe they have some type of food allergy. The truth, based on heaps and heaps or REAL science, is that 4% of adults really do. So, the 26% needs to be called on it. Reality is far different from what people say. I'm afraid to try that particular food is the truth, an allergy is the excuse. I want to be skinny is the truth, an allergy is the excuse. I'm bored with my life and I want people to pay lots of attention to me and cater to all my wishes and desires is the truth, an allergy is the excuse. I enjoy being difficult is the truth, an allergy is the excuse. We need to offer free allergy tests by reputable professionals for anyone claiming to be allergic to food. Let's expose this nonsense immediately.

The Grammy Awards: Embarrassing.

Meat grilled over fire: Is this ever not good? It is always good. It smells good, it tastes good, it makes you feel quasi primal. Instead of eating a sloppy disc of ammonia treated carcass scraps at a fast food joint, why not eat some grilled meat. Find out where people from other countries live near you, because chances are they know all about the simple beauty of grilled meat. The meat is there somewhere, you just have to seek it out.

Why Is There A Line Of Twenty Kids With Two Parental Chaperons At Starbucks: 10 Year Olds simply don't need to be at Starbucks. This is silly. Starbucks sells highly caffeinated drinks, indulgent sweets, and other assorted calorie bombs. So why are there twenty kids all ordering Frappuccinos at 2 in the afternoon? I mean seriously, what is going on? Obesity is a real problem, and all you have to do is look around to figure out why.

Thought Of The Day: America is a place where many of our poor citizens are fat, or even morbidly obese. Let's all marinate on that idea for a minute. Our poorest people are often times incredibly overweight. For all of human history, only incredibly wealthy people were at risk of being fat, strictly from overindulgence. Now, our poorest people somehow have the ability to eat themselves to a shorter life. Does this strike anyone else as completely crazy? When you see pictures of 'poverty' anywhere else in the world, do you ever see a really fat person hanging out in the background? No you don't.

Listening to: Frank Ocean- Nostalgia Ultra Mixtape
Bon Iver
Fleet Foxes- Helplessness Blues
Wilco- The Whole Love
The Roots- undun
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